Divorce ends the marital bond, not the parental bond. Why the question "who gets the child?" is no longer enough, and what the studies and the Convention on the Rights of the Child say.
One of the biggest mistakes made by many societies after divorce is to believe that a child only needs someone to have custody of him and to provide food, clothing and shelter. But are a child's needs really reduced to the material?
Recent psychological and social studies, like the fundamental principles of the Convention on the Rights of the Child, say it clearly: a child needs much more than material care. He needs psychological stability, emotional security and the continuity of his family ties with both parents, not only with his mother. A child does not stop needing his father because a divorce judgment has been pronounced, any more than he stops needing his mother.
Fatherhood is not maintenance, motherhood is not custody
The paternal bond is not a mere maintenance payment, and the maternal bond is not mere custody. Father and mother each play an essential and complementary role in building the child's personality and his psychological and social balance. Humanly, the child needs the effective presence of both parents in his life, not one of them on the sidelines: someone who shares his successes, accompanies him in his studies, listens to his daily problems, guides him and protects him when needed.
Hence an essential question: what about children deprived of their father for long years? How can a father exercise his educational and protective role, follow his children's schooling, protect them from danger, delinquency, violence and neglect, when he is forcibly absent from their daily lives? Protecting a child is not just providing maintenance or a roof: it is also guaranteeing the continuity of the educational and human role of both parents.
From "who gets the child?" to "how do we keep both parents for him?"
In many modern legal systems the debate is no longer about "who gets the child?" but about a more important question: "how do we preserve the child's right to benefit from the presence of both parents?". The best interests of the child do not mean excluding a parent or turning him into a mere visitor or funder: they mean guaranteeing the continuity of the family, emotional and educational ties the child needs to grow up healthy. This is why many countries are moving towards shared parental responsibility: the era of sole custody, which entrusts the child to one party and gradually pushes the other away, has become, in the eyes of many specialists, incompatible with the child's needs and with the development of his rights at the international level.
Divorce ends the marital bond between father and mother, but it does not end the parental bond with the children. A child needs a father and a mother together: guidance from both, love from both, and the feeling that his parents, despite their separation, remain partners in protecting and raising him.
When a child is deprived of a parent for long periods, or when one parent's role is reduced to a few hours of visits, the real question is not: did the father or the mother get their rights? but: did the child really get his right to both of his parents? A child does not need a winner and a loser after divorce… he needs a father and a mother, together.